Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's leading entertainers devoted their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys each thing he handles."

The subject was the new program which enables international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. An official portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also meant to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings during economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.